Difficulty Upgrade Overwhelms Buffalo Bills

Photo/meme from sportige.com.

It’s mean to have to face a team that’s now won half its games. Dominating the NFL’s remedial class was much more thrilling.  The league has some nerve switching up the challenge when the Bills were clearly unprepared.

Three Straight Throws to Nowhere is my favorite Junior Brown song. Play calling should keep conditions, situations, and roster strengths in mind. Instead, chucking it around didn’t quite fool Philadelphia’s defense, considering that’s exactly what they expected. 

There’s a reason every version of Law & Order that was or ever will be made has featured nabbing the wrong suspect first.  The Jerry Orbach Precedent is bound to confuse defensive coordinators just like it threw off audiences.

The offensive line got the job done except for the part about stopping defenders. To be fair, it’s easy to get back-to-back false start penalties at home where the rapidly-emptying crowd is as boisterous as a mausoleum. Paid attendees entered the venue with slightly more excitement.

The good news is Josh Allen didn’t throw an interception.  But dropping the ball where a competitor can snag it turns out to be no better. 

As with checking to make sure the syndicated Simpsons episode was made before 2000, fumbling could make all the difference between a good time and a result that sapped the fun out. I still wasn’t going to interact with humans during the rest of Sunday instead of watching the next two games, but it felt like a chore.

Photo/meme from Pinterest.com.

Allen is still learning how to drive at city speeds after exiting the 33. For every instance of propelling softly on a play-action fake, he cancels it out by acting like he gets points for overthrowing receivers. Passing is like using your indoor voice. You’ll be hoarse by game’s end.

The Bills are just another elite defense getting gashed.  A zone’s point is uncertain if the safeties are unable to help beaten corners. It’s like eating creamed spinach where the vegetable tastes gross and is still bad for you.

Both sides of the ball are falling behind by speeding in the wrong direction. Better defenses realize they’re being spread out for a reason. They can’t record a hip rap tune like the Bears while surrendering 31 points.

Getting shoved around in the fourth quarter will not impress potential Tinder matches. If you’re going to let Carson Wentz embarrass you, at least let it be on a pass. Don’t fall for such tricks. There was never a quarter in your ear.

It would help a lot if defensive ends learned to be a bit more evasive. This group has to win the karate tournament in any way possible. I don’t care if takes painting the fence in order to learn how to bypass offensive linemen. Karate classes might improve self-confidence.

Photo/meme from Pinterest.com.

Who’s writing this script? Drama fans crave arcs where characters improve by learning from experience. Sean McDermott is supposed to be growing more daring. He’s well past the point where he should realize aggressive football is the best way to control results. Instead, a foe dictated terms.

Opinions on the coach’s performance vary as much as Cure songs about finding and losing love. Bills fans hope the roster is finally led by the deft coach they’ve missed like a deadbeat dad who went out for cigarettes.  But looking wildly overmatched against even mediocre competition will shake anyone’s confidence. Relying on a fourth quarter comeback is like expecting Spider-Man to show up and punch a mugger.

Subtlety is tricky because it’s easier to either wholly love or loathe. Buffalo might have a coach who makes things difficult by residing somewhere in the middle. McDermott is prepared enough to get better grades than Beavis and Butt-Head.  But he looked outmatched against a Philadelphia team that might be better than its record but still isn’t wearing a National Honor Society pin.

Fans tried making the case that the Bills were using de facto warmup games to get in practice. Initial struggles against the Jets and Dolphins of the world were supposed to serve as unsettling examples from which to learn. But this club presently seems to be merely superior to the NFL’s delinquents.

Figuring they would rise to the level of competition was as optimistic as Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin. Now, they simply must smash the Redskins, as anything less than domination against an imploding drama queen franchise presently would disappoint. A win would barely feel like one. But the happiest possible result would still count, just like a sobering loss is only a single setback even if it exposed bigger issues.

Editor’s babble: The only thing better than chuckling at an Anthony Bialy post is spending time with him in person. Thanks to Anthony for always being able to make us smile, even in the face of a big let down by the Buffalo Bills. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.

About Anthony Bialy

Anthony Bialy recently moved back to Buffalo from New York City and acts like he never left. He thinks "Buffalo 66" is biographical and considers it a crime against mankind that Steve Tasker is not in the Hall of Fame. He likes getting Tim Hortons on the way to get Labatt Blue. Follow him on Twitter at @AnthonyBialy.