For the Buffalo Bills, the Clothes Make the Fan

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Buying a jersey reflects athletic happiness.  The purchaser likes how a player runs around enough to wear his name.  With NFL Christmas finally only days away, the Mafia is looking for Buffalo Bills who display qualities impressive enough to seek out a vented shirt just like favorites dress in for work.  Identify us by someone else’s number.

We’re hoping this edition costs us a fortune.  Demand inflates prices, which is a welcome tradeoff.  The downside of six-dollar tickets on StubHub is watching our dear side get crushed.  There’s a reason seeing the Sabres has been so affordable.

Who could fear sincerity enough to mock a bond forged by appreciation?  Adults wearing different family names on their backs are scoffed at by the sort of hipster snots who specialize in irony.  But the sartorial affiliation represents genuine admiration.  Team gear is not any weirder than wearing rock band t-shirts.  I’d much rather be linked to Tre White than Imagine Dragons.

There have been so many seasons where identifying a player to adopt was as challenging as finding a likable Patriots player.  Please justify us spending recklessly.

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Jersey-shopping was fruitless in, say, 2010.  Of course, that’s been true for much of this century.  The Bills hope to inspire fans to portray John Brown or Tremaine Edmunds minus sporting ability. 

Humans don’t want to go without caring even if the temptation to avoid potential pain is strong.  A life devoid of worry sounds like a relief until aimlessness sets in.

The only thing worse than agony caused by investing in something out of one’s control is never having the nerve to risk getting hurt.  Evenness can be overrated.  Now, it’d be nice if that sports team we think about during every waking moment and in occasional dreams was able to finally put it all together so the gamble of adoration finally pays off.

Meanwhile, those adored from the stands need to manage risks.  There aren’t many chances for redemption after acting injudiciously.  Josh Allen wants to get the season going an hour ago if only to prove he’s learned from what happened way back in August.

That horrid forced throw to a Lion is going to haunt him until he can prove he won’t throw straight to a villain while playing hero.  It’s nice just being past the preseason, but coming attractions show key plot points.  Games that don’t count count for something.

Learning from mistakes is a rarity in this sport.  It’s not because people are incapable of retaining failure’s lessons, although they certainly seem inclined to avoid stories’ morals.  Rather, football is cruel in its unwillingness to provide second chances.

Those seeking redemption should go to church, as there’s not much forgiveness in a sport with only 16 chances.  A foolish action might cost a job without offering a demonstration of the capacity to have grown wiser.

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Quarterback’s a natural option for matching outfits.  Allen is desperate to not end up like J.P. Losman.  Enthusiasm might not match results.  The incumbent wants to prove he can harness a powerful arm.  Like the Star Wars prequels cramming every special effect onscreen that’d fit, some temptations are crucial to avoid.

Allen strives to avoid the fate of another initialed quarterback whose number isn’t being worn on many backs at New Era Field.  EJ Manuel’s inability to adapt quickly led to his dinosaur of a career going extinct.

Those attached to Buffalo fret about starting 1-3 and wondering if Matt Barkley’s accuracy facing backups during exhibitions can translate against starters during real games.  Strong play silences crazy notions.

Apparel reflects our mentality.  Fans are cheerier if they have good cause to wear a logo.  It’s time to slap on an Autobots logo while transforming into a playoff contender.  The Bills have been the league’s Gobots for far too long.

Ponying up for a jersey would mean this team is making the figurative and literal gains featured in our wildest non-cheerleader football fantasies.  Attire that could be donned by someone in the competition is an expensive wager that a beloved player will thrive and behave.

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Bet poorly and you’ll be left wondering how long you must wait before the item can be considered vintage.  Ryan Fitzpatrick might start this year despite being 83 years old, so any clothing with his identifying information can remain in the attic.

Even fancy shirts with the identifying information of budding Hall of Famers only remain current for a few years.  This probably isn’t the best time to grab a LeSean McCoy jersey unless you’re really into finding deals.

The most naturally talented and exciting Bill this century will always be welcome in Buffalo for his agricultural work ending a historic drought.  Yet a replica of his most noteworthy piece of equipment is already obsolete. Moving on means new running backs to laud.  I look forward to cheering for whoever’s wearing my favorite laundry.

Please let this be the year we want to publicly flaunt connection to the Bills.  Backers are devoted enough to a team that they’ll pay to wear its insignia.  The frenzy seems irrational unless you’ve spent an evening beaming because the guys in the clothes with the right colors scored more points.

You can dress like heroes, sort of.  Spending rent on merchandise is a result of vicarious success.  The prototypical fan just wants a garment fine enough to be married in.

Football cosplay is the byproduct of that squad we dig proving the process was worth trusting.  The roster putting together offseason instruction starting on a summer Sunday would mean we can play along, at least when it comes to wardrobes.  I’m not wearing cleats unless they clinch the division.

Editor’s babble: A belated Happy Birthday (yesterday) to our dear friend @AnthonyBialy. Thanks for all your contributions to our blog!

About Anthony Bialy

Anthony Bialy recently moved back to Buffalo from New York City and acts like he never left. He thinks "Buffalo 66" is biographical and considers it a crime against mankind that Steve Tasker is not in the Hall of Fame. He likes getting Tim Hortons on the way to get Labatt Blue. Follow him on Twitter at @AnthonyBialy.