Telling the Buffalo Bills to Win More

BACK TO THE FUTURE, Christopher Lloyd, Michael J. Fox, 1985. (c) MCA/Universal Pictures -.

Aren’t you aware of how the future will unfold?  I do, as I’m a sports fan. Confident predictions are as much a part of following a team as having a favorite Zubaz pattern.  I’m willing to sell you winning lottery numbers.  I’ll give away the first one for free; it’s a six.

Projections are invariably rosy despite everything that’s happened in a testament to either the obliviousness or durability of the human spirit. Idealists see how good individuals and teams could be.  All that’s missing is the actual performance.  Dangit.

Anticipation is so joyous that we forget to wait for what actually happens.  You’d think experience would teach fans to not get ahead of themselves.  But remembering anguish prompts tears and weight gain from devouring an ice cream cake in one sitting to cope, so use delusion as medication instead.

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August is the month for raging at media figures who dare refuse to think the Buffalo Bills are about to set world records for cumulative point margin.  The audacity of doubting a team that has played 30 playoff games heading into its 60th campaign should not be forgiven.

I hate how an undefeated regular season means the Bills would only get to win three playoff games.  And there should be a way to turn down the bye in order to fit in an extra trouncing.  Oh, right: they have to do it.  Can’t I just live in my imagination like I was taught by Reading Rainbow?

Fans graciously let the quarterback know just how high his rating will be.  Josh Allen just has to play as stupendously as we’ve imagined.  Remembering only his successful preseason bombs is like a greatest hits album. But will his deep cuts deliver?  His disciples have made the decision that he’s going to thrive, which is surely a relief to the latest savior.

There have been innumerable times we’ve done something the Bills haven’t, namely gotten ahead of ourselves.  It’s as wonderful to envision everything working as it is unlikely in practice.

Twitter clips of tiptoe catches or would-be sacks get us through the buildup to NFL Christmas on September 8.  Just remember to temper expectations, as Santa may have a different definition of nice.

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We extrapolate from practice attempts against teammates because there’s nothing else upon which to base our hallucinations.  Let’s get carried away by presuming potential is going to be reached. That’s the same reason I had those business cards made with Generalissimus as my title.

Please let our beloved come running back. It was particularly tough to not to move to Imaginationland when the offseason was 17 years long.  We almost raised the interval into adulthood.  The Bills are finally back to brimming with possibility after that horrible one-season absence.  Signs of renaissance help cope with the fear of plunging back into the Dark Ages.

Tomorrow’s first pretend game will have to suffice.  The season before the season is exciting merely to fill the vacuum.  Prison’s toughest aspect is not having anything to do.  Being alone with one’s mind is even more horrifying than having to shank someone for stealing your oatmeal pie lest you be labeled a bitch.  We were sentenced to being Bills fans.  What crime did we commit?

This beloved franchise has concluded so many editions without playoffs by percentage that letdowns are expected.  There is little precedent for schemes coming to fruition.  If there were, EJ Manuel wouldn’t presently be retired.  Growing upset at those who suggested he might not be the next Jim Kelly should have taught us to be patient.  Instead, it’s easy to grow certain there will never be another Dennis Shaw.

The Bills can’t stop winning in the world where we’re astronaut movie stars.  Fans get excited because dreams offers the only chance to always thrive.  We sit alongside each other while residing in our own heads.  The question of why other teams get to occasionally see mirages materialize remains as unanswerable as wondering where Marcell Dareus’s motivation went.

Photo of DT Marcel Dareus from

Kill time by sneering that a video game isn’t portraying the world as we wish it to be.  The Bills can’t get upset about middling Madden ratings that are coldly based on what players have already done, not what they might do.  I’m a Tecmo Bowl fan, anyway, even if it shamefully doesn’t have Buffalo as a team.

We can’t help how this sport lends itself to speculation.  NFL teams will each spend about two days playing this year budgeting three hours for 16 games, and that doesn’t even factor 912 commercials each quarter.  The league office didn’t respond favorably to my proposal for copying baseball’s schedule, so we’re stuck wondering on endless off days instead of hoping for a 162-outing pennant race with the Patriots.

Drifting from hoping to presuming is as easy as being charmed by Tre White. Fans don’t want to live in a fantasy, which is a much easier goal with at least 10 wins to enjoy.  Please let this be one of the rare occasions where performances match rehearsals.  Enjoy a month of picturing something so perfectly that it’d be a shame to never experience it.

Editor’s babble: Getting ahead of ourselves is as much a part of our history as tailgating to ease the pain of consistently losing. We all know THIS will be the year our beloved team wins the Super Bowl :) Being overly optimistic has been our schtick for years. Thanks, as always, to Anthony Bialy for providing us with some chuckles along the way. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.

About Anthony Bialy

Anthony Bialy recently moved back to Buffalo from New York City and acts like he never left. He thinks "Buffalo 66" is biographical and considers it a crime against mankind that Steve Tasker is not in the Hall of Fame. He likes getting Tim Hortons on the way to get Labatt Blue. Follow him on Twitter at @AnthonyBialy.