Statistically, you’re likely waiting in line for a Marvel movie right now. Acting out drawings of people with powers nobody possesses has been wildly successful. Imagine the New England Patriots minus cheating while doing evil’s work. I told you comics were important literature.
The Marvel marvels recently updated their schedule if you need something to do on non-football days other than talk to family. On top of the next 973 movies about freaks in spandex, the superhero assembly line’s most fascinating new project is an animated What If…? series. If you talked to someone of the other gender before you were legal to vote and thus never read it, the self-explanatory project imagines how life could have turned out differently than the outcomes we know on Earth-616.
Pretending how anything else could have unfolded is a core appeal of the cartoon franchise. It’s reminiscent of cheering for a certain soul-crushing football team.
Hoping for anything but the real results is a common habit of Buffalo Bills fans, who naturally fantasize about better outcomes. You start on a summer Sunday to think of how much fun those days could be by fall, and you almost don’t want the hallucination to end. The season should hurry up and also take its time.
Everyone thinks of different paths: I could’ve been a doctor if not for schooling, knowledge, and queasiness about blood. Daydreams about slight changes that would’ve resulted in major plot diversions are the norm where anything other than the actuality would have been preferable.
Training camp is about planning for any contingency while realizing there’s no way to truly be ready until stuff happens. I hate time with its boring conventional forward narrative and predictable pacing.
Accepting that you can’t control the future is the best way to come close. Flux capacitors are presently banned by a league that hates fun, so we’ll just have to wait to see if Josh Allen can pair power with accuracy as he has during practice.
Most of the bad turns couldn’t have been more devastating if that’s comforting. It seems like the worst possible outcome always happens, and it’s sweet of the Bills to prepare us. The only advantage is that we’re tough to scare, as we know just how bad it can get. I shouldn’t dare meteors to aim for us.
What are your favorite moments of masochistic wonder? I personally rue the Bills not gambling on Russell Wilson being tall enough instead of thinking T.J. Graham could catch passes without him. Would Robert Royal avoiding a penalty or Leodis McKelvin downing the kickoff not only have led to wins against the Patriots but also shifted momentum in the most one-sided rivalry?
And I’m enough of a glutton for ruefulness that I’m still wondering what would’ve happened if Doug Flutie started that dang playoff game. That’s even before getting into how fate would’ve changed following a title, as you may have heard about championships they didn’t win.
It’s as useless to rue what happened as it is natural. Imagining you’re big in Japan to escape from life’s pain helps when times are tough in the hemisphere where you reside.
The only thing better than a distraction is life working out. An offensive line that can give LeSean McCoy the sliver of space he needs to accelerate would keep us grounded in actuality.
Maintaining faith is a challenge on this plane of existence. But constantly thinking about what should have been won’t stop any of the faithful from loving this team. Yes, still. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed or how nightmares regularly become the usual: we still hope for happiness together. Now, let’s see results pleasant enough that our minds don’t have to warp the details to get through the day.
The Mafia is eager to appreciate the reality of it. The problem is the club needs to actually render our imaginary narratives into nonfiction. We yearn for just one season where we hope to not think wistfully how a successful moment could have altered the timeline. Uncle Rico had to find a way to move forward with life instead of wondering if things would have turned out perfectly in high school like his imagined scenario.
The Bills finally have a change of plans, namely by making them. They’re not trying to patch rusted holes in the hull with quilts anymore. Management lined up replacements this season after spending 2018 paying a fortune in alimony to exes. The faithful may have suffered for good reason, which would make for a nice life example if it really happens.
The surest way to lose is to expect to win right away. A willingness to work one’s way up is a good start. The intern who’s above going to Tim Hortons because he knows how to modify corporate policy better not expect a good letter of recommendation. If last year still haunts your memories, think of it as the trainee period.
Camp is the time of year conducive to thinking plans will work out. Watching our new favorite players wear footprints into the turf helps us convince ourselves this roster is not merely ready for any contingency but is also primed to affect events positively.
A passive life naturally leads to feeling helpless. The wistful desire that things worked out in the precise opposite way is a byproduct of underperforming. Take the game to foes and you won’t have to fret about what could have been.
Editor’s babble: Thanks to Anthony Bialy for always keeping us on our toes and for his contributions to our blog. You can find Anthony on Twitter @AnthonyBialy.